According to the Talmud, Yeshu son of Panther was a con man who performed miracles by making arrangements in advance with those «resurrected» and «miraculously healed.» For example, when he was informed of the death of his friend Lazarus, he did not rush to Jerusalem, but continued feasting in a village east of Jerusalem (today’s East Jerusalem). Three days later, Jesus finally came to Lazarus’s burial place, the cave. He was warned that the corpse would decompose in three days and would stink terribly. Jesus said, «lo lid’og» (do not worry). And he told Lazarus, «rise and walk.» The dead Lazarus rose, threw off his shroud, and walked as if nothing had happened. How can all this be explained? Simply, Lazarus did not die, and Jesus knew it. Everything was arranged in advance. Now, a beautiful little church has been built on the spot where Jesus feasted after Lazarus’s death… Another miracle of Jesus is his death and resurrection. How can this be explained rationally? Jesus faked his death, staging an «abbreviated» crucifixion on Friday. He was taken down from the cross before the Sabbath and taken to the cave of Joseph of Arimathea. A day or two later, he emerged from the cave, alive and well, like Lazarus, whom he had «resurrected.» He appeared before three hundred of his admirers, gave them a speech, and then disappeared. Then, a month later, he reappeared in Galilee, where the 12 apostles had come after his «death.» His trail was lost there, but not forever. About 40 years ago, a burial cave containing ten ossuaries was discovered in the Talpiot neighborhood of Jerusalem. The names of the people whose remains were buried there are inscribed on the ossuaries. And who do we see there? Jesus, his wife Mary Magdalene, his children, and a couple of other relatives, whose names we know from the New Testament. I’d call it a happy ending. Jesus outsmarted everyone, was recognized by God, and lived peacefully with his wife, children, and family for the rest of his life. And he was buried in Jerusalem according to Jewish (sorry, «Palestinian») custom, in the family crypt, in an ossuary. Well, if it’s akavod! I’m ready to share the plot with Netflix…
